Portmanteau

Know Your Words

Port·man·teau-[pôrtˈmantō] 1-a large trunk or suitcase, typically made of stiff leather and opening into two equal parts. 2-a word blending the sounds and combining the meanings of two others, for example motel (from ‘motor’ and ‘hotel’) or brunch (from ‘breakfast’ and ‘lunch’)

Darlene, a budding equine ambulance driver and part time social media photographer, worked primarily at the World Class Polo Association games. She took the position of ambulance driver as a means of learning and working in the field of competitive horsemanship-specifically Polo. She was learning and completing ongoing training for efficient ways to support any Polo pony who presented injury, illness or stress. Darlene took the work very seriously. She had, unexpectedly, fallen in love with every Polo pony that came on to the pitch and she watched every rider’s relationship with their Ponies. Trent, a high-level Polo player had become Darlene’s good friend, mentor on all things Polo and fellow Word En Garde competitor.

On this day Darlene was lingering after the match play had ended. She had just received a text from her supervisor, Clem, telling her to run through a practice of taking the vitals of a horse. If you wouldn’t mind videotaping this TPR run through-it will serve to complete your recent training requirements. See if Trent has a pony for you to practice on.

Darlene looked directly up to the sky when she read this text. TPR-Temperature, Pulse, and Respiratory Rate. She didn’t mind the heart rate and respiratory check…but the rectal temperature taking was not at the top of her strong personal confidence checklist….it didn’t even make the list.

Basically, she did not feel capable of the T, in the TPR vital checks. Wonder if we could just sort of see if there is some increased respiration-like panting…until the vet arrives, or we decide to transport...

She found Trent and asked for a most docile Polo pony to check vitals on-pretending to be all in on this like an expert vet tech. Trent, sensing Darlene’s nervousness, offered Taj Ma Taj, saying she had a very peaceful disposition and perhaps that would rub off on Darlene. “She would say Namaste to you, if she could!” “Even when I take her temperature?” “Even if you take her temperature…she will help you stay calm, Dar…”

“I’m calm…” Darlene lied, “this will be a snap….easy as 1-2-3…no worries whatsoever…Namaste back to Taj….this is just a little test….nothing big deal with this….you can go talk to someone else rather than watch this little pony show….be done in a blink…well a two minute blink…have to do that two minute rectal temperature deal…what a deal…thinking she looks just normal temperature to me….I probably have a heightened ability to detect equine body temperature…have to use a Rectal thermometer…..a recometer….not that I am a wreck….like a wreckometer would take a high level read on my anxiety around using a recometer….see I am actually going down a rabbit hole of making up words….cool cucumber right here…coolumber….Namaste at its finest….”

Trent, smirked, shook his head and cut into Darlene’s nervous ramble…

“Portmanteau…those are portmanteaus…you are making portmanteau words…”

Darlene stopped the word flow long enough to respond: “I don’t drink Port-too heavy for me and I have to perform this wellness check on video, without the aid of alcohol-but thanks-I’m fine…this is just a short little emergency medical protocol test in case I am ever without a vet close by…so it’s fine…all’s well…I can do it…I can do it…”

“It’s not a Port. Portemanteau…En Garde Dr. Daramble…”

Darlene, holding her phone in order to use the timer app, shifted gears and became pensive…coaching herself through the required steps and tried to stall on responding to Trent. …. She took Taj’s pulse-34 bpm-all good; respiratory rate: 12 breaths per minute-all good. Now for the body temperature. Darlene held her breath. Holding the rectal thermometer, she moved Taj’s tail aside and inserted the thermometer. She had a two-minute timer set -per protocol. She watched a small yellow bird cut through the air…his small wingspan moving him in choppy little spurts. Taj stood quiet. Trent waited for Darlene’s next move. He knew he was in checkmate territory….one thing about Darlene was her stall tactic mode…he recognized the false intrigue with watching the small yellow bird flint through the air…this was actually Darlene thinking about her next competitive Word En Garde move…. looking all nonchalant and involved with birds flying while actually trying to recall the definition of a portmanteau...the timer went off…Darlene snapped out of her lexical trance (she was, in fact, trying to recall the definition of a portmanteau) pulled the thermometer and read it: “Huh 100 degrees…perfect temp Taj…no need for a medical intervention for you my Polony….see how I did that Trent-o….I got it….two-or more words-blended together…or, my good man, a suitcase-those old kind with two sides…rectometer and Polony…just call me a lexical magician….or a lexagician…

Trent laughed and stared out at the yellow bird, now looping through the air, before responding…yelloop came to his mind…as well as Darlene + touche…. “Darche, Dar, Darche…nice recovery ...Clem is going to be real impressed with your video…!”

Clem watched the video on his phone. He knew Darlene would complete the task with ease. He didn’t know, but should have guessed, the tarnation word games she and Trent played, might make it into the video. Portmanteau-two or more words blending sounds and meaning…Darlene and Trent and their word games…tarnation playin around all the time…but it did yield some knowledge…which lit Clem up….he leaned back in his truck and thought about portmanteaus….then he thought about his ambulance business and how everyone said they wanted a “Clembulance” parked at their events because of how Clem ‘always served from the heart’….how bout that…my name is in a portmanteau…Clembulance… might have to design a new logo for the side of our rigs….