quidnunc-a person who seeks to know all the latest news or gossip, a busybody
Darlene was at the local Farmer’s Market stocking up on carrots for the Polo Ponies when she heard a woman talking into her phone. “She is an absolute quidnunc. Nose Nose Nose….” The problem with Darlene’s capture of this strand of words was her assumption that the woman was saying “knows knows knows”... She assumed the word denoted someone who was highly intelligent…someone with a lot of knowledge…. someone who is an expert or who knows everything about everything… This homophone switch brought an avalanche of trouble for Darlene…
She was confident that there would be some sort of opportunity to dole this word out in conversation around Trent. No need to ask google to define quidnunc-she was sure she understood the meaning. It would be perfect for showing off her self -imagined Word En Garde Summa Cum Laude status…She would practice using the word as she distributed carrots….and then store it away for a perfect moment of lexical showmanship...
When Darlene got to the barn with her carrots she noticed a farrier truck with hot pink lettering on the side: Equine Hooficures by LouEtta Stone. LouEtta got comments all of the time about the Rosetta Stone…did this somehow influence her name…was Rosetta her sister….No and No…but LouEtta did have her own brand of notoriety. She was a top tier farrier and an influencer with products for fellow farriers and their equine clients.
She created and marketed ‘LouEtta’s ChapEtta’s’- Pink short chaps with fringe AND ‘Equine Hooficure Products’ by LouEtta Stone’. She even had a farrier perfume called ‘Shod Splash’-a cologne to splash on if the farrier, laden with hot shoeing fumes, had to run to the grocery store… One had to wonder if LouEtta had signed with the PenShock marketing people….
Darlene took her carrots and made her way to a few horses…practicing her off the track understanding of ‘quidnunc’ on the horses. Approaching Dime she said “Here you go Dime…you certainly are a quidnunc when it comes to playing Polo. If anyone knows how to make a sharp turn on the pitch…it’s you. You are a cornering quidnunc I might say…” Dime crunched the carrot in rhythm to Darlene’s prattle. She moved on the Taj, who had an intense love affair with all things carrot. Taj snorted and stomped as she saw Darlene coming to her stall. She stretched her head out and flared her nostrils…smelling the sweet carrot smell in the air. “Ah, my Taj….I believe you are the Best in Show when it comes to being a Carrot Quidnunc….if anyone knows all about carrots…it’s you Taj Ma Carrot…” This went on until Darlene spotted Clem with the farrier. Clem gestured for Darlene to come his way… “I have someone for you to meet” he said as he pointed to LouEtta.
Clem had been able to bring LouEtta on to his equine wellness team for one day a week. She would make the rounds and provide hoof checks, full shod service and extend teachings on healthy hoof maintenance. LouEtta was some kind of brilliant. At least that’s what Darlene thought when Clem introduced her-and paused to list all of her entrepreneurial products. It was at this moment that Darlene couldn't help herself. When Clem paused, she jumped in with an air of someone checking in to the Ritz… “Wow, you must be quite a quidnunc…that’s a whole lot of amazing, impressive product development……”
LouEtta, who was filing a hoof, paused and looked at Darlene with some agitation… “Ma’am?”
There were two problems with this response.
1-Darlene felt ‘Ma'am’ was for someone older …she was inclined to look behind herself…
2-She didn’t quite know how to respond back. The situation was awkward….so she forged on “Uhhh seems like you know so much….like you could qualify for being a walking definition of a quidnunc…”
Right as this qualifying sentence was being delivered, Trent happened upon the scene…. He was leading Domino, a young midnight black Polo Pony in for a scheduled hoof check with LouEtta. Trent could feel a bit of tension in the air. Both women looked a bit flushed…Darlene presenting a hue deeper… sanguine cheeks….and… he surmised… she had just spoken an obvious maiden voyage of a newly heard term….
“Hello Ladies,...Clem…might I add a comment here to this apparent quidnunc conundrum…. ‘Know it all versus Know All about it’... perhaps you have scrambled a few clarifying words Darlene…I heard you defining and rehearsing the use of this word as you made your carrot rounds…”
Darlene’s coloring stayed in the intensive red blush palette …she had a moment of internal shock-recalling the woman saying ‘nose, nose, nose, and then realizing the error of her ways …why didn’t she say nosey, nosey, nosey…this is a fatal homophone collision…. Darlene looked at Trent, who, in her opinion, was looking all know it all…her mind locking into an on-the-spot recovery…a triple back dismount…or something like that…Darlene often thought of herself as a lexical gymnast or skater going for some kind of triple threat recovery during these kinds of screw ups. She drew in her breath and began…. “So actually, it seems YOU are a quidnunc, Trent… a barn quidnunc….and LouEtta is a Summa Cum Laude Farrier quidnunc meaning she put her ear to the ground and listened to the farrier problems and developed solutions…. know it all solutions…..seems like it pays to be nosy in her business…”
Trent, amazed by Darlene’s recovery, smiled, shook his head in disbelief and said, “Wow…pretty amazing twist there Dar…high scores from the judges…”
LouEtta gave Clem a deadpan bit of eye contact that resembled communication meant to convey what an eye roll conveys…
Clem was rolling ‘quidnunc’ around in his brain thinking it just might serve as a good disguise word for eavesdropping at a party. He could just say he was ‘quidnunc-in…” if anyone wanted to know what he was doing….
Domino snorted and stomped her front hoof ….Seemed like she was signaling for someone to be nosey and notice she was ready for her hooficure….
Here’s a tongue twister for you that just never found a place in my short story….try to say it out loud three times….
Ya Betta Let LouEtta Getta Shoetta on ya Horsetta
(Kinda makes you sound southern….)
These horseshoes make me feel extra 'lucky' to be a reader of Olop Downs!! Darlene's "avalanche of trouble" always creates a hilarious tale and PenShock is definitely helping out with that cool After Shod Splash bottle...
Well it looks like LouEtta Stone was being a quidnunc when Clem was talking to his partner Flo about their chapette line!!! And Clem's sweet southern wife - Gigi - clearly had something to do with all of this. 😂😂😂